Tuesday, October 11, 2011

full moon thinking..

 I found myself at the end of some short rope today (they only seemed to get shorter as the day wore on), wondering, "could it be a full moon???" Yup. It is the leafturn moon, and boy, could I feel it.  Sometimes I get this sense that Eliza is attached by some fine spider silk to the heartbeat of the universe and every minor or major event sends vibrations to her core.  There is a natural force about her that sometimes works in her favor and sometimes is an energy that she struggles with.  What that looks like on a full moon day is big and busy and like a music video dance sequence on fast-forward - frenetic and LOUD and distracted and hilarious and ceaseless, with pigtails and a Chaplin twitch.  Beautiful and horrible at once. I wonder how it feels to be inside there, hearing your mama ask you again to take it outside, tone it down, Stop...? Tonight it wasn't until well after the seventh bed-tucking and the thirteenth chocolate chip that I could feel my jaw relax and feel some sadness about the stuffing of that large large soul into just a regular human body.
 She wasn't the only one on full moon overdrive today.   Anika had a ridiculous demand to make at bedtime: Mama. My nose is TOO STUFFY and the eucalyptus is NOT WORKING and I need you to make me cry so it will all come out!  There ensued a hilarious mock-thrashing and thrubbing from both her sister and me (totally counter-bedtime material here), until finally she decided that it was just that everything from pajamas to pillow to blankets to dolls was too fuzzy and needed to leave the bed.  This is why she is sleeping on a bare mattress right now, which sounds uncomfortable, but she's sleeping.
 Then there's me, of course - moody and struggling for equilibrium and calm all day.  I actually heard the words "you're like a broken record!" come from my mouth today (Anybody want ice cream? What do you think? Ice cream? Hey mom, what about some ice cream? Anybody thinking about ice cream?), and of course the response was - "what's a broken record?"  That's when you know you've reached your limit and should not open your mouth for another hour or two.  Time for popcorn and a movie. There were no reinforcements tonight, as Dan is working overtime these few days so that I can go away this weekend.  Ah! There is that!  I am going to big girls camp! Also known as the Southeastern Women's Herbal Conference, in North Carolina. I am so freaking excited!!  It will be good for me in so many ways: a long day's drive with a good friend through beautiful fall weather, no mama duty for 4 days, time to think, figure, dream, wonder, pay attention to what comes up for me when I am focused on myself for that long.  I'll be working part-time, which will be a good way to jump in and get comfortable, and then there will be classes!! Learning! About good things!!!
 Before I sign off tonight - I mean, it's 10:00 and I have birthday presents for beloveds to be making, packing to be doing, dishes that "won't do themselves"- here are some photos of wild mushrooms we've eaten this week!  The one above is the Chicken of the Woods, and it tastes...like chicken. A little dry, but I imagine that I just haven't found the perfect way to eat it yet.  The one below is Hen-of-the-Woods, and is a softer mushroom that grows at the base of old oak trees and is abundant here right now.  Its Japanese name is Maitake, which means "dancing mushroom".  A good friend of ours knows of my love of the fungus (he brought me the puffball a few weeks ago, remember?), and brought these to our house the other night. Woweeeeeee! Put the love out there, and the mushrooms dance their way to your door.
Say, lady, haven't you grown tired of them mushrooms yet?  They are miraculous in their variety and function and I can't say as I could ever tire of such wonder...Consider me dead when I do.


Stephanie said...

A gorgeous post, Slim, start to finish.

No such thing as tired of mushrooms, methinks.

So excited for you 'bout the women's conference. So, so awesome that you get to go and play.

Helena said...

Such lovely words! Just what I needed, just what the soul needed, the drifting and the considering and the making through that was you at 10pm looking back and looking ahead. The image of your girl on the bare mattress! Which is just what she needed—what a wonderful solution. The image of Eliza and her Chaplin twitch. Such amazing portraits of people you love and know deeply. So even as your day was hard (and I so felt for you) I felt lifted by you and your thoughts and photos of fungus :) and your hopefulness.

I hope you have a wonderful 4 days away!

merry said...

Isn't it wonderful that, through this beautiful blog, you have found other moms experiencing the same concerns/frustrations/highs and lows that you do? What you are experiencing, my dear love, is LIFE. Life in its fullest, its best and its worst. Hold on, take a deep breath and then go on. This weekend will be a wonderful "grown up" time and a time for all of you to recharge batteries. I've always felt it was important to have some away time to create appreciation for each other! Love you.

JessicaBliss said...

Hey mamaspang- You know, I think it's wonderful that the girls now know what a broken record is. I wonder if they'll always associate that with the demand for ice cream?

I love you, I think you're the bomb diggity, and I'm PUMPMED that you get this weekend to learn about herbology, just like Neville Longbottom.

JessicaBliss said...

Haha, I wrote PUMPMED. What is that? Pumpmed. Like a drug that you take to get pumped up? Perhaps a drug with fungal origins? For a long day? Sheesh.

sarah in the woods said...

You've been tagged: http://theforestroom.blogspot.com/2011/10/homeschool-resource-meme.html

Debbie said...

My dear boy is exactly the same way with the moon. He is so connected to it and has even commented during full moons when he can't sleep that it's because the moon is "singing too loudly and it's keeping him up." Man oh man...that's deep and heavy and real. And his energy is chaotic, it's assaulting. Once I felt so frazzled by it I thought I would throw up. I GET it. Constantly telling Isaac to bring the energy back inside...it's hard for them when they are so little. And I so resonated with your words about a stuffing a large large soul into a regular human body. Makes me sad when I make that demand. They are who they are, right? We have to learn to cope better...and to teach them to cope with their hugeness and their awesomeness.

Been thinking of you lots. I hope all is well for you, Dan and the girl. xoxoxo